Is It The Medication?

I wonder if the antidepressant I am on has strangled my creativity and disposed of the corpse. I know that one side effect of my medication is lethargy. I am well aware of the lack of physical energy I have dealt with since I started taking this drug, but I only thought about the mental aspect today. Perhaps my sluggishness has extended to my brain.

That is very depressing, if it's true. Depressing, because I can't stop taking the drug. I tried once - I went four months without it - and could not sleep. I was hoping that the sleeplessness was merely a withdrawal symptom, and after a month or two, my sleep would return to normal. No such fucking luck. Four and a half months after going off my antidepressant, I had to go back on it, not because I was depressed (my life was going OK at that point), but because I could only sleep when I was completely exhausted, and even then only for a few hours. So unfortunately, quitting the medication is not an option.

I guess that means my ability to write is gone for good. How very sad. I wasn't good at it, though I had my moments of brilliance, but at least I could do it. Now I've got nothing, and I seriously think it may be the drug that's doing it to me.

I feel dead inside, dark and hollow and empty. If I am dead inside, if my ability to write is gone, then why should I bother with being alive? If I'm not here to write, then why am I here at all? And no, this blog doesn't count as writing, because it is not fiction. It is all too true. How sad. How very sad.