I wonder if you have ever had a moment this dark. I imagine most people have moments where they think "wow, I am messed up!". I know that a few people, like myself, know deep down that they are more screwed up than average. But have you ever had a dark, evil moment like this? Have you ever had a moment where you felt chills as a rising sense of horror crept over you, when you realized you were way more fucked up than you thought? I have.
I will not relate the details. Suffice it to say that I made a horrible decision, that I did something unspeakable. Worst of all, at the time, I knew it was wrong, but I wanted to do it anyway. Later, recalling my apalling behaviour, I was struck senseless by the sheer depth of the black pit of my soul. All I could say for hours afterwards, over and over, was "I am a monster".
I have always had a black and evil heart, but I had no idea how dark my heart is until recently. I truly am a monster, a wretched fiend so enslaved by frantic, grasping, selfish desires that I can barely stand the sight of my own reflection. All doubt has been removed, and I see the truth, the awful, hideous truth: I am evil. Evil is darkness, and I am the black hole at its center.
I am the very heart of darkness.
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