Like Iron To A Magnet

There are those who believe in energy fields. I know people who believe that everyone has their own energy field, and that these energy fields attract similar energy. Positive energy attracts positive energy, and negative energy does the same. Some days, I believe that.

I seem to attract more than my share of bad karma, angry, bitter or depressed people, and negativity. My dark heart gives off such a powerful, negative energy field that negativity is drawn to me like iron filings to a powerful magnet. Bad things and bad people come my way, because, deep down, I am very bad.

My darkness and negativity don't hurt just me. Like people living too close to high-tension power lines or chemical plants, the people in my life are affected by the darkness that seeps from my black heart like poison. I don't mean to hurt them, but in the end, intent means nothing. I hurt them, and even though I didn't intend to, it doesn't matter. They get hurt by my poisonous negativity just the same. I am a source of darkness in the world, and it makes me weep.

My heart is a great black hole, whose powerful and grasping gravity affects everything around me. There is darkness in my part of this world, and I am the very heart of it. I have tried to turn it around. I still struggle to reverse it, but like a great and heavy stone wheel, it has tremendous momentum. I don't know if it can ever be changed. I don't know if I can ever be a source of light and good instead of darkness and evil. I try, but sometimes, like today, it seems hopeless. I just wish that I were the only victim of the blackness that emanates from my soul. Perhaps I should live alone, far from the rest of humanity. Perhaps that is what I deserve.