Why The Rage?

I was talking to the guy I live with about relationships. He doesn't want to ever get married again, or even live with someone, because he thinks he'll be "trapped". He said he can name "about 50 guys" who feel trapped in a marriage that they don't want to be in, because they're afraid of the financial consequences of leaving. I tried to tell him that there are plenty of happily married people - I know at least a dozen - and if the right person comes along, you won't feel trapped, you'll feel like it's the right thing to do. He disagreed, which is fair.

But then he said that I don't know what it's like to be "trapped" in a marriage that's not working. I told him that I damned well DO know. I told him that he's not the only one who's been divorced - I have, too - and that I know how it feels to be stuck in a house with someone who doesn't love you, and how you feel there are few options. He said "you were only married for a year and a half". At that point, I lost it.

It made me really angry, and I told him that it was bullshit that just because I wasn't married for 10 years, that I don't know what it's like. I did something I've never done to him before - I threw an empty can down, I yelled at him (I told him he was full of shit, and that it was bullshit that he was discounting my experiences), and then I stormed off. I went to take a shower, and I was not surprised that I was angry - I hate it when people tell me I don't know what I'm talking about WHEN I DO - but I was shocked at how angry I was. I was enraged, and that disturbed me.

Why would I get so angry at that comment? What is this really about? I can't be THAT mad at him - it really wasn't that big a deal. So why would that set me off like that? What unresolved issues do I have that would make me react like that? It obviously pushed one of my buttons, but there must be something in my own head that would make me that angry. It's pretty clear that it's not about him or what he said, it's about what's going on in my own head. I guess what's most upsetting about the rage I felt was that I don't know why I reacted that way. I do know that it has far more to do with me than him, but I don't know what the issue is in my own head. So why the rage? Why?

I have tried to accept what is, to do the Buddhist thing and not let stupid stuff get to me, and yet I get all bent out of shape when someone tells me I don't know what I'm talking about. The whole thing disturbs me, because I thought I'd let go of a lot of my anger in the past year, and yet there is obviously still a lot of it. Why? And more importantly, why can't I let it go?